I fell in love. I fell in love hard. After a few years of dating and multiple breakups in between we were finally together. However, even in the midst of these ups and downs I knew I needed to tell my parents. They didn’t need to know the exact details and certainly didn’t need to know all the details, but I figured they needed to know. So, my parents have been in the loop regarding the seriousness of my relationship for the very beginning.
Within a few months of officially dating I told my parents I was serious about Shreemati and that I loved her very much. In fact my sister and mother both talked to Shreemati during this time. I felt the communication needed to be open and I needed to be up front with everybody. I needed Shreemati to know that I was for real and that I’d be willing to deal with the consequences. I needed my parents to start imagining this future and start dealing with it sooner rather than later.
As things progressed, Shreemati and I eventually visited Nepal. It was an official introduction trip. She met everybody and everybody met her. It was a great time, however, later that year we broke up. We still had some issues to work out. Things were not as smooth as we had thought. I didn’t tell my parents of this breakup. I didn’t feel it was necessary for them to know right away, but I was planning to tell them if it became “permanent”. I really felt like things would work itself out and we’d be back together again. I also figured that news of this breakup would affect their support later.
I bring this up because I am reading about a lot of relationships where the guy hasn’t told his parents and the years are just ticking by. I know everyone’s situation is different. But I will say this, there does come a point where a man has to be a man and talk to the parents like a man and face the consequences. Its pretty plain and simple.
Dragging it out and just kicking the can doesn’t help in the long term. If you love her and you’re worked out all your issues (and you’re already living with her), then its time to deal with the consequences. I don’t think its fair to the woman or to yourself to keep dragging. Afterall its not like you just woke up one day and realized there would be consequences. You knew there would be consequence for becoming involved with a Western woman for the day you left South Asia.
One of my mangers gave me a book called “Eat That Frog”. It is a self hep book that provides tips on how to better manage your time and get things done. The idea being that you do the most uncomfortable task first thing in the morning. That way you can enjoy the rest of the day doing the stuff you like to do. Similarly, once you’ve been dating for a year and you’re serious its time to eat the frog, tell the parents and enjoy the relationship.
I know it’s not easy. Believe me. I’ve been through it. But let me tell you this, even the most hard core parents will eventually bless your union once the grand-kids arrive. South Asian parents (regardless of how traditional) will melt their hearts out when they see your offspring. So, it’s only bad for a few years!